You Never Know

People are funny. We walk around acting like we have things figured out when, in reality, we are lucky if we even know the next step to take. Most of the time, I believe, everyday living is a faith walk. Like Forest Gump famously said, "...you never know what your going to get."

I went to college to become a first grade teacher. After four and a half years, I graduated with an English degree that really was only good for getting my foot into some doors. Instead, I went out into the world and worked my way up the childcare ladder by starting at the very, very bottom. About four years ago, I resigned as the director of a fairly large childcare center and went back into the classroom. The comment was made that I was going the wrong way... down the ladder. Now I am a secretary for a small but growing church. I've been given the freedom to design every detail of the job even though I never worked in this field before. My name is listed right up there with the various pastors and church leaders. How did that happen?

When I was asked in High School where I wanted to be in ten years, the answer was easy... married with at least one child. Yes, like so many, I dreamed of the loving Husband, cottage-like home with the ever popular white picket fence and a mom to boot. I had no qualms about the barefoot and pregnant bit. My Husband and I didn't meet until I was 28 and we didn't marry until I was 29 1/2 years old. A bit later than I had originally planned. However, when asked if he was worth the wait I had no problem then or now saying, "YES... I would not change a thing!" We never have had a white picket fence but our homes have been amazing blessings and we still sit in wonder of all that God has provided.

Still waiting on the children part as well. This next birthday I'll be closer to 40 than to 30 and I wonder when "late" is considered too late. In the mean time, we have a parrot (not a dog, cat, or something normal) to tend to and she thinks she is all too human. Often we wonder who is entertaining who?

As I sit here tonight reflecting, I see so many "plans" that took completely unexpected turns. Lots of blessings for which I am truly thankful to God for but certainly not what I pictured. I truly believe that God laughs at our so called blueprints for life... much like Morgan Freeman did in Evan Almighty. When I try to look at the possibilities for 2009 my mind goes blank. I can no more see into the coming weeks and months than I can the next five minutes. When God says He is "a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path" He means just that... that little section immediately in front of our toes. That is all we get. Anything beyond that is a blind guess at best no matter how we try to convince ourselves otherwise.

Tomorrow could be business as usual though I may throw in some hair color and a trim OR some new surprise twist or event that could take me in a direction I never even fathomed. That thought could get a bit scary for I know too well how a negative life experience feels. My family may never fully recover from the loss of my youngest brother... he was only sixteen when he died. He'll have been gone for thirteen years this coming May. That was not a part of any of our plans. Perhaps that is why God says "not to worry about tomorrow for it will worry about itself."

I had no idea what to write about tonight only that I had the need to write. I don't mean to sound preachy in what I say nor do I claim to have said anything of great import. All I know for sure is that right now, as I sit at my desk typing, there is a roof over my head, my Husband has made it safely home from work, the parrot has unsurprisingly pooed over the side of her cage (again), and the day was good. I'm grateful. Like Caroll O'Connor said in Return To Me, "I am blessed with work." Plug in any word in place of "work" and that would fit just as well. Everything I dreamed for my life has had nothing so far on what God has made reality. Everything has had purpose, leading from one thing to the next (like connecting the dots) even if I don't understand or see where some of those dots will finally meet. In time I'll know, but for now... well, I'll close and go snuggle with my Husband. For a next step, that ain't bad... not bad at all.