Training Wheels

I've spent the larger part of my adult working life as an early childhood educator. From infants on up through school age summer camp programs, I've been there. It has been over five years since I've set foot in a room full of wee ones. Still, some things are permanently engraved within and, should I ever go back, it will be like old times. That is not going to happen any time soon. In fact, it isn't even the point to this particular blog. This story is all about Cameron.... as if that were any great surprise.

I bring up my classroom experience simply to show that I've been there. I've watched the development of children, helped it along in fact, only to send them off to the next classroom once their goals had been met in my own. I watched their development in pockets. With Cameron I get the chance to see the whole process uninterrupted. This front row seat to my son's growth is amazing. Despite my experiences, I feel like I am seeing it all for the first time. I marvel at it's beauty.

Cameron is a toddler now which by definition means busy, busy, busy. Every day he tries something a little bit newer and braver than the day before. His words are coming out clearer and I am shocked on a daily basis to hear words come from his mouth that I didn't even know he knew. I look upon his ever growing body and wonder where that little baby went. Even though it was less than 18 months ago, I barely remember him ever being that small. How quickly those memories fade. Thank goodness for lots and LOTS of photographic evidence.

With all this growing and changing also comes the teaching. That has kicked into full gear as of late. Early on it was relatively simple; things like helping him to hold his own bottle, weening him from the binky, prepping him to crawl. Now, however, the work has gotten a bit harder. Cameron has discovered his own will and "yes" that old sin nature is kicking in. As his Pediatrician says, "They are not moral creatures."

Last week I took Cameron to the local WalMart for some out-and-about time. You know, a change of scenery. By the end of the trip I was exhausted. It was like releasing a bull into a crystal shop. Everything had to be touched, pulled down, tugged on, tasted, removed, dropped, mixed up, and de-tagged. I'm sure whoever was watching us via the security cameras were cringing at our existence. I did my best to direct the storm but, once released, it is hard to corral. Could I have been any worse of a mother that day? That is how I felt.

We went back to WalMart this week and "no" I wasn't a glutton for punishment. It was training day. Cameron was going to get his first lesson in how to behave in a store. For starters, I needed supplies. Well, supply really (singular). Backpack leashes are made for children his age. I've seen other families use them but didn't really have an opinion about them until now (Wonderful). Though it felt more like walking the family dog than touring a store with my son, I hung in there for the much needed lesson. At first he didn't seem to notice the lack of movement. The leash would only go so far before it tightened and pulled him backward. Add in the smooth floor tiles and he had several involuntary sit downs. Cameron eventually got mad and his frustration level kicked up a few notches. I stayed consistent though and made sure that with every redirection I would get down to his eye level and sternly tell him what was not okay. One tantrum, one time out, and several stares from strangers later, he started to get the hang of it. I could see the desire physically come over him, that need to reach out and grab something, only to see it fade as control set in. Worn out by the end, not even my praises caused much of a reaction. He was all too willing to sit down and stay put when directed.

We still have a ways to go but I think we started well. In the classroom I would never have thought about store training. I didn't know it was necessary. It makes sense though and I feel like a better Momma for it. Cameron will be all the better for it too. May God Himself strike us down if either Chris or I ruin this precious gift God has so graciously entrusted to us. We have our work cut out for us AND a whole new appreciation for the work our parents put into our training (Thank you by the way).

As I ponder all the lessons I will need to teach Cameron from here on out (not to mention all the ones I haven't even considered yet) I feel the weariness try to settle in early. Being a parent is work and we hope to be really good parents. Chris and I will make mistakes (as much we hate to admit it) but we hope that Cameron will be patient with us. In the classroom I've spent eight hours a day, five days a week, alone with up to ten three year olds. That isn't nearly as exhausting as being a Mom. I don't get paid, there are no sick days or vacation, and it is a 24 hour shift. Regardless, this has got to be the best job I've ever held.

Lord.... please help Chris and I to do well. And thank you for trusting us with something a amazing as our son!

Traveling with Toddlers

Confession time. A year ago I was a mess. Why? Chris and Cameron went on a vacation without me. Money was tight, someone needed to stay home with the bird (Paz), and Chris really wanted to spend time with his sister in Texas. I was good with the plan until it included Cameron. It made sense though. Cameron is his son just as much as he is mine. Auntie Ann-marie needed some time with her nephew too. It shocked me just how much this trip rocked my world. Every day that my boys were away, I struggled. Not even two tubs of ice cream and a whole pepperoni pizza could chase away the blues. As Chris waved goodbye to me before disappearing through the security zone at the airport... I cried. When Chris rounded the corner waving hello upon their return... I cried. I swore that we would not be separated again. This whole Mommy thing really threw me for a loop. I suddenly didn't know how to be alone or what to do with myself without a little one to tend to. It was not pretty. Certainly not one of my prouder moments.

Imagine my feeling of hypocrisy then when the next trip out of town included Cameron and... me. Chris couldn't get any more time off from work and it was time for a trip to see my family in Colorado. Did I struggle with this? No. Why? Because Cameron was with me. See, hypocrite! Chris did a great job while he and Cameron were away. It wasn't that I didn't trust him. Like I said, though, I didn't know how not to be without my son. All these years on my own or with Chris and suddenly I couldn't handle time to myself. Crazy!

I have vowed to Chris that the next time he and Cameron need to go for a visit without me, I will do much better. In fact, I've dared Chris to go. Anywhere. Just go. He hasn't taken me up on it yet. I've promised that there will be tears but that my attitude will be better. Still, home he has stayed. That hasn't stopped me, however. An opportunity this past month presented itself and I felt that to say no would be rude. So Cameron and I headed out to Texas (almost one year to the day of Chris' trip) to spend time with Auntie Ann-marie once again. This time Chris stayed home with Paz.

Now that Cameron is a toddler, flying on any plane (let alone the puddle jumper we were on) is interesting. Tight spaces and active children were never meant to go together. It wasn't a horrible experience but it definitely had its low points. For starters, Cameron's diaper leaked not once but twice. He was sitting on my lap. To the gentleman sitting in the seat directly in front of us... thank you for not yelling at me for the numerous times Cameron's foot kicked the back of your seat. Finally, I'm not sure if the flight attendant's smile at the end of the trip was gratitude to me for cleaning up the treats Cam spilled on the floor or if she was happy to see us leave. Sometimes paranoia kicks in only now I am just too tired to care. Bottom line, it would have been wonderful to have had Chris on the trip with us for many reasons... as a flight buddy would be just one of them.

The flight home was better, though not any where near perfect. Cameron and I were moved to a double seat since some passengers, for reasons unknown, decided not to show up. THANK YOU LORD! Cameron enjoyed his own personal space. He kept looking at me strangely, however, which was probably because after a week of non-stop touring I was exhausted. I would start to sing him a song only to suddenly realize that I was dreaming. Yep, I kept falling asleep in the middle of my son's favorite tunes. Cameron did throw a few tantrums, he is a toddler after all, but nothing too devastating. When the pilot announced that we would be pulling into our gate within fifteen minutes that must have been the magical cue to all children on the plane. Cameron suddenly felt the need to fall into a peaceful slumber. Funny how everyone around us commented on this ironic fact. I smiled through blurry eyes and headed to the loving arms of my Husband as soon as I could. I was home.

With children around, life changes fast. You have to adapt and learn to go with it. I've learned to relax a bit (yes, a bit) and am grateful for the opportunities to grow as a parent, as an adult, and as a human being. Thankfully the next trip out of town includes all three of us. Chris, Honey, I am so grateful to you for being my partner in this thing called parenting. However, if Cameron's diaper leaks this time... I hope he is on your lap. Just saying.