Blink of an Eye

As I look at pictures we have taken over the past year and a half, I am amazed at how much my son has changed. He has gone from round and chunky to long, lean, and much more mature looking. I realize this is the natural order of things but to watch it first hand is still awe inspiring.

Tonight before dinner, we watched some home videos that I saved to my cell phone. One of the earliest ones is of Cameron when he was only a couple months old. He still had that little baby cry and lived for his pacifier. Jump ahead a few months and there is a round faced boy who is more alert, active, and loved the word "GHA!" Next came the supported walking, the hands-free new walker walk, and finally the pro-walker tackling the stairs. The latest video captured Cameron saying his full name, repeating his age, and hollering (much to his Daddy's delight), "Go Auburn!"

Wherever we go, folks are amazed at how well Cameron is talking, how carefully he pronounces words, his faithful repetition of everything he hears (thankfully nothing embarrassing yet), and his attentiveness. Those blue eyes lock people in and before they know it they are singing ABC's with my son or celebrating with him because he counted to 20 with no help. As a Mom... I am pretty darn proud of my boy.

When Chris got home from work tonight, Cameron took the initiative and dragged Daddy outside for some playtime. He led Chris through the yard and eventually into the sand box. The two of them tossed acorns, practiced football cheers, and reveled in the time together. I watched from the kitchen window hoping the sight before me would never fade from my memory. Nothing on television could equal what I watched happening on the back deck. Once upon a time Chris and I feared that children would not happen for us. How thankful I am to see Chris as a Dad now. It suits him. Cameron was made for him... for us. People often say that adults who adopt are doing a wonderful thing for a child in need of a family. Really, in many ways, it is the other way around. Cameron has done wonderful things for us.

As I sit and watch my son transition from babyhood to toddlerhood, as I witness his maturity extend from bottle feeding to eating with a fork and spoon, and I hear his coos become three word sentences that I actually understand.... I begin to wonder how much I have changed. I feel the way I have always felt -- like me. Not sure how that can really be explained. Still, when I look in the mirror, what subtle changes to me have become glaringly obvious to loved ones or friends who have not seen me in a while? How much older do I really look? Is my hair really as grey as my roots try to reveal? Are all the pops and creeks from my joints a sign of youth passing by or just a noise I've never payed attention to before?

I look at my grandparents, whom I love and adore with a special emotion deep inside, and I wonder when "that" transformation happened. When did they shrink, get grey, gain or lose weight, wrinkle, and end up with more pills on their counters than a pharmacy has on hand? When did that happen? I look at my Mom and she still looks young and as I have known her. When will she suddenly look like Grandma? Grandma is still beautiful but definitely Grandma-like. When will it be my turn? Will I see it coming? Will I wake up one day, look in the mirror and suddenly be stunned by the reflection looking back? Honestly, I'm not sure I am going to progress gracefully. I just might go kicking and screaming.

As life greets me day by day, I find myself pondering these questions more than I used to. At times I get stressed by them but then am happily distracted by the miracle of my boy. For now I will leave the worrying to another day and simply enjoy the abundant blessings in front of me. The fact is, I will look "grandma-like" one day and there is nothing I can do about it. I can only hope that my children and grandchildren will look upon me then the way I look upon my parents and grandparents now. They are beautiful and I love them. Perhaps, in the end, that is the greatest accomplishment I can claim.

No need to hurry though. = - )