Before I was born, my Grandma crocheted a turtle and used it as a decorative bow for a baby shower gift she gave to my Mom. That turtle became my closest companion all through my childhood. I didn't go anywhere without her. Turtle slept beside me every night and kept away the scary things. She traveled with me on vacations because no pillow was more comfortable than her shell. Turtle was a constant in my life and still holds a place of honor to this day. Time has aged her. I prefer to call her lumps, bumps, patched-up parts and discoloration... love. Yes, when I look at Turtle I see years and years of love.For my brother Damon a crocheted Donald Duck was his security blanket. For my brother Trevor it was a Cabbage Patch Cat named Winkie. That is, of course, after he lost his ET doll at the park. I love to remember the story my friend Susan told me. When she was a small child, and her Mother dared to wash her special item, she would stand crying before the running dryer calling for her "wee-bee." The point is, many of us have had a special doll, blanket, whatever, that got us through our younger years. Items that, whether they survived or not, still hold a special place in our lives to this day... even if no longer at our sides.
Cameron is 17 months old. Since the day we brought him home he has been showered with every manner of stuffed animal. There are dogs, cats, bears, ducks, mice, cows, turkeys, rabbits, and one bunny-eared Easter Dinosaur. Of all these cuddly, stuffed playthings there is one that has been shown more love than the others. We call him Big Bear. You see, there are two bears that have lived in Cameron's crib since day one... one big, the other little. Early on Cameron reached for Little Bear more often than not because, well, he was small too. Little Bear was the right size for a surprisingly short period of time. Chris and I are amazed everyday at how much Cameron is growing. No longer is he an "infant." I am both saddened and exhilerated that he is developing into a very fast moving, agile, and active toddler. With this development and size has also come his preference for Big Bear.
No matter the time of day, once this favorite toy comes into view Cameron is sure to squeal with delight and say repeatedly, "Big Be-o," which is the current pronunciation. This is usually followed by tight hugs, sweet little kisses, and always, always, always long periods of chewing on Big Bear's ears, nose, or tale resulting in very soggy fur. Within a couple of days not only is Big Bear discolored and crusty from dried drool, be he smells pretty unpretty if you know what I mean. So Big Bear is sure to get a bath at least once a week. This is all well and good for the first two minutes after he comes out of the dryer. Cameron is usually nearby and spies his favorite little friend in the laundry basket, immediately picks him up and follows the above mentioned routine. Cleanliness is short lived, love is forever.
The dilemma for Momma and Daddy is this... already Big Bear is looking haggard. At this rate he will not make it for the amount of years that most little ones carry around their security companion. I actually plan to look online to see if I can hunt down an exact replica of Big Bear. I am not above having a backup bear for the inevitable day of no return. Right? Wrong? Hard to say. Surely I would have noticed if Turtle suddenly looked new and pristine. True love leaves unfixable marks. When Trevor lost ET there was no backup. He simply mourned and moved on, much to Winkie's relief.
So whether or not Big Bear stands the test of time or if, like the Velveteen Rabbit, he is loved into reality, Cameron will have loved early on. Already Big Bear shows signs of Cameron's preference which, if stories are to be believed, is a very rare and beautiful gift. The following from Margery Williams says it well:
"The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
I do believe that Big Bear is well on his way to becoming real. What a beautiful thing to witness. Thank you Lord. I am continually amazed.
